Through the Waves

Chapter five: Graduation

April 4, 2022

It was all smooth sailing

Was it really all smooth sailing, full of laughs, adventures, great people, and memories I will cherish forever? That may be the case, but what I can say for certain is that I worked hard for my degree, and it wasn't always smooth sailing. There were many obstacles along the way, and at times I felt like an imposter living a life without a light at the end of the tunnel. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I reached it.

As I sit here and reflect on my undergraduate career, I can't help but think of all the what ifs: What if COVID-19 never happened? What if I stuck to my original plan and dropped chemistry as my minor? What if I cared a little less on proving my intelligence and took classes I would genuinely enjoy? What if I made a bigger effort on keeping certain friendships and less on the ones that didn't matter? I can continue to think about all the what ifs, but it won't make a difference. I can't change the past, and I need to remind myself that everything happens for a reason.

Uncertainty

It is so hard to not to compare yourself to others who share a similar goal as you, especially through the eyes of social media. I am so proud of those around me who are just going for it. I feel like I have fallen behind and missed my chance. I can't help but regret not applying to graduate schools; however, I will acknowledge there were certain things I had to figure out.

The most important being, I need to do it for myself and myself only. Being a first generation college student comes with a weight on your back of proving your worth. My parents sacrificed everything, so I could have all these opportunities, with that there is all this pressure of giving back to them by taking full advantage of those opportunities and having their sacrifices mean something. I feel as though I was pushed to continue a higher education degree by attaining a Ph.D. Maybe it was the idea of having a doctorate that I lost sight of what mattered most. Helping people through therapy. I do not necessarily value research, but rather one-to-one therapy sessions. So why am I reaching for a Ph.D, right now?

With that in mind, I have once again changed the direction I want to take in order to achieve my goal. I am moving to the Minneapolis, Minnesota and applying to master programs for counseling. With only a semester behind, I hope to start in the spring. I am very excited to have a change of scenery, and I know that things can change at any moment, but I think if I stay true to myself I can achieve anything. As for now, into the waves I go and I need to remember that it isn't always going to be smooth sailing, I need to work for it.